It’s Valentine’s Day! It’s a time for love for not just your romantic partner, but all of your platonic relationships as well and there’s no exception for League of Legends.
Runeterra is filled with so many beautiful and wonderful people and creatures, so we can’t help but think, who would our League of Legends Valentine be? Who would we romance up in real life if we could pick a League champion? Is this too close to being horny on main? That’s fine! It’s Valentine’s Day.
After some discussion, various Rift Herald staff writers have decided who they’d want to go on a sweet Valentine’s Day date with.
After carefully thinking for a long time, I think my League of Legends Valentine would be Vi. I really had to think about who would be a fun partner who wouldn’t try to kill me (Darius) or run off with another partner (Ahri).
Vi is perfection! She’s kind of edgy and punk, she’s strong as hell, and she’s super smart. (She made her gauntlets originally out of scraps of mining equipment or something! What the heck?) I also know that Vi doesn’t take any shit from anyone, so if we went out and some gross asshat catcalled me or did something rude, she’d probably beat him to near-death for me.
I want to be protected by Vi. I wanted to be princess carried by Vi. Caitlyn, who? I’ll be her cupcake instead.
My League of Legends Valentine has got to be Braum. The math is really simple on this one: yes, he big, but more importantly he’s also nice and a perfect gentleman. He’s literally designed to be the best possible dude to go out on a date with! He’s the kind of guy who would check your Twitter to see what kind of food you like, and then he’d make that for you in his own yurt, or wherever Freljordians live. Then you could hang out with his poros and his goats.
Most importantly, him being your Valentine means you’d only be chained to him for one day. I feel like a long-term marriage to Braum would be unsustainable. You’d basically have a sailor’s marriage where he travels to accomplish incredible feats of the heart, while you hang out with his mom and shovel goat poop onto the meager wheat the Freljord is able to yield. Eventually, Winter’s Claw raiders would attack your humble village, and you would die.
No, thank you. Braum is my Valentine, and just my Valentine. We’re one and done, baby.
In all my years of playing League, the Rift Scuttler has never once betrayed me, and that’s why she is my Valentine this year. She dodges skill-shots better than I can, has an adorable icon with hot cocoa, and a mutated version of her became the Rift Herald, which became this here website. My friends and I use the club tag “Team Rift Scuttlers,” too — I’m all about that scuttle.
Here’s that icon, by the way. I’ve used it almost exclusively since it came out:
Thank you, Rift Scuttler. You’ve never let me down. You deserve some honeyfruit on this special day.