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League of Legends' new EU player photos turned everyone into a horrible monster

Blade Runner had replicants. Ex Machina had an android. League of Legends has the EU player photos. Riot updated the player pages for EU ahead of the Summer Split and the results were horrifying.

It's hard to put your finger on precisely what went wrong -- but they're all creepy as hell.

FC Schalke 04 support Hampus "Sprattel" Abrahamsson looks like his face was taken off his body and stretched over one of the faceless men Arya Stark is training with. His cleft chin is gone, his skin has been smoothed out. Actually, it looks like they copy/pasted his face onto a dummy.

It wasn't just Sprattel who learned about his bold new look. Here's what happened to Pierre "Steelback" Medjaldi:

Then there's Kim "Veritas" Kyoung-min. Poor, poor Veritas.

Perhaps the greatest honor (and horror) belongs to Jesper "Zven" Svenningsen. Take a deep breath, prepare yourself and understand this is only and image and can't leap from your screen and hurt you.

Ready?

Steps to making your own new bold EU profile picture:

  1. Remove any signs of shadow.
  2. Overexpose the image.
  3. Smooth out the skin so the person is blemish-free.
  4. Shrink their face by 15%.
  5. Ensure you capture their cold, dead stare.

Using this process I've re-imagined Nicholas Cage as an EU profile picture. I'm sorry.